「Quora热门回答」翻译：你后悔现有的婚姻么？为什么？

（Quora热门回答）翻译：你后悔现有的婚姻么？为什么？

答：后悔

我同一个NRI（印度人，在国外生活工作度假）结婚了。他在高中毕业之后就到了新加坡，已经居住了10年。他的家人都是受过高等教育的，有工程师，建筑师和教授。我们两个是两家人安排相亲认识的。见了几次面之后我们喜欢彼此，然后就订婚了（这在印度非常常见）

。事情进展的很普通直到每晚我都会收到他的电话，每天早上都会收到他的短信。渐渐地我的亲家母开始批评我说话和回话的方式。我也渐渐和她保持距离。我会和她说话，但是次数不多。尽管已经遭遇了这样的情况，我们依然结婚了。我们关系也是可以的，直到我父亲癌症晚期病发（结婚四个月之后）。

我们住在新加坡，我的家人和他的家人都住在老家，在同一个镇。医生诊断我的父亲已经到了癌症晚期，只剩两到三个月的时间。我的丈夫和他的家人已经都知道了这个事情，因为医生是岳父的朋友。在我知道消息后的半个月的时间里，他们不允许我回到印度探望父亲。理由是：我是一个结了婚的女人，首要责任是我的丈夫和家庭。在他们看来我父亲即将病死不算大事。我的丈母娘说我应该等到化疗结束后再前往探病......化疗在这个阶段根本一点用处都没有。但是我的丈夫说：“我的妈妈说的是对的”。我同丈夫以及岳母吵了一架之后然后回到了印度。我的父亲见到我到了医院，非常开心，情绪也很激动。上一次我们见面是在机场，他送我我前往新加坡，这一次再见他已经躺在ICU病房。

从这个时候我开始看到了我丈夫和他家人的真面目了。他们说：“我怎么能够离开我的丈夫来陪伴我自己的父母？”这是何等的折磨。他们认为我应该平衡二者，我应该照顾好丈夫处理好家务事，我应该照顾丈夫的父母，那才是印度人的文化。陪伴即将病死的父亲，陪在我的妈妈和妹妹们身边给与支持这件事不符合印度的文化。看到这里面的讽刺和不人道了么？我岳父居然几次给我生病的父亲打电话，谴责他，问他什么时候让他的女儿回到丈夫身边，“我的儿子很孤单”。人怎么能这样残忍的对待一个已经离死只剩几个星期的老人。我的丈夫身体很健康，两百斤以上，岳父认为照顾我的丈夫比照顾我将死的父亲更重要。这样的折磨持续了两个月零10天，直到我父亲逝去才消停。期间他们一直威胁要离婚。每一天我看着我的父亲的生命之火一点点熄灭，与此同时我也遭受我丈夫和岳父长达三个月的精神折磨。我父亲走了之后的第二天，他的爸妈就打电话过来让我回去照顾丈夫，否则就只能让我们两人离婚。我真的受够了，我下定决心我要和这样没有感情的机器人离婚，我的丈夫什么都不能为我做，只知道听从父母的命令。

父亲死后，我们举办了一些仪式，家人捐赠钱和一些有用的物品给有需要的人，也举行了祷告仪式。我的丈夫给我妈妈打电话说：“我爸爸说我没必要去参加仪式所以我就不去参加了”。我的妈妈在53岁丧偶，只有我和我的妹妹两个女儿，没有儿子。对我妈妈来说他相当于一个儿子，他至少应该过来参加仪式。我一开始为什么会和这样的人结婚？这样的儿子不应该从他爸爸的膝盖上离开。

但是我的家人认为我应该给他和他的家人一次机会，尽管我对他和他的家人再也没有了爱和尊敬，因为他们并没有让我的父亲安静的离去。人怎么能够如此冷血地折磨一个即将死去的老人？我仍然回到他的身边。但是我们之间的关系继续恶化。每当我的妈妈给我打电话倾诉沮丧和孤单，我的丈夫就开始同我争吵，威胁要和我离婚，摔门。

他一直表现出他和他的家人很仁慈的让我陪伴了我的父亲长达两个半月的时间。如果我胆敢有一点意见，他和他的父母就威胁要离婚。最终有一天，我的防线崩溃了，我终于决定从这段婚姻走出去。一切都该结束了，我终结了11个月的婚姻。

一年的时间里面，我结婚了，目睹我的父亲逝去，给他举行葬礼，他们威胁要离婚将近十次，最终我们离婚了。我对那场婚姻很遗憾是因为我真的爱他，我从没想到一个人会如此自私和冷酷无情。他就像是一个被父母控制的机器人。

我们没有度蜜月，因为他的父母希望他省下所有的年假去印度陪伴他们!看看有多讽刺，在我父亲病的很厉害，只剩不到20天的生命的时候，我的丈夫同我争吵希望我离开我的父亲，回去照顾他，生孩子组建家庭。

为什么我的父亲对他们来说一点都不重要？为什么他的死亡不应该让我悲伤？为什么他们讨厌我为父亲的死而哭泣？为什么他们会期望我离开即将死亡的父亲，回去给我的丈夫做饭？

我不是女权主义者，但是如果他的父亲-不是我的父亲--得了癌症他会怎么样？我猜他会立即抛开新加坡所有的一切回到印度。他的父亲当然比我的父亲重要千倍百倍！

现在我对爱情持观望态度，因为我见识了如此极端的冷漠和自私，我不在信任爱情。毕竟爱情不仅仅是烛光晚餐和约会看电影。我爱的这个人在我需要他的支持的时候没有站在我这边。

我也很我自己，因为我们在结婚之前谈了9个月，有一些危险信号显示出来但是我以为爱和互相理解会解决掉这些问题。我从没想到这个人是这么没主见这么的自私。我恨我自己爱着这样一个人。

一个人度过人生总好比同一个自私没有人性的人度过余生。

以下为原文：（如翻译有不妥，欢迎指出）

YES,

I married a NRI, who was educated abroad right after high school and was living there since ten years. His family too, was educated, comprising of engineers, architects and professors. We met socially in an arranged set up by both families. Few meetings more and we liked each other and got engaged. (very common in India). Things were normal and neutral till then…regular calls at night and good morning texts…Slowly mother in law started criticising my way of talking and answering. Gradually I kept distance from her, I talked to her but in limits. Among all these, we got married. Things were fine between me and him(my ex husband) till the news of my father’s last stage cancer broke ( just after 4 months of marriage).

We were living in Singapore, while his family and my family lived in same hometown. Doctor had diagnosed my father with last stage cancer and predicted 2–3 months of life span. My husband and my in laws knew this very well, as the doctor was my father in law’s friend, still not letting me come down to India for next 15 days!! REASON : I am married woman, my first responsibility is my husband and his family. ( my terminally ill father was not a big issue as per them ) My mother in law kept saying that I should go there once Chemo therapy gets over…Imagine is already knowing Chemo therapy has no meaning at this stage. My husband said “ My mom is saying right”. Somehow I fought with my husband and MIL and came to India. My father was very happy and also very emotional when he saw me in hospital where he was admitted. Last I saw him at airport, when we were leaving for Singapore after marriage. Next I saw him in ICU bed, in cancer unit.

Here is when everything started and got to see true colors of my husband and his family. They started torturing me saying “How can I leave my husband and stay with my parents ?? I suppose to balance both. I am suppose to take care of house. I am suppose to take care of in laws. thats our culture!!”. Staying with dying father, supporting mother and being there for younger sister thats not in our culture. You see the hypocrisy and heights of inhumanity. my father in law even called my ailing father several times to scold him saying “when are you sending your daughter back to our son. our son is alone there”. (how can a person behave like this to a person who is already on his death bed, just few weeks away from death???) His son, being very healthy ( 100+ kgs) is more important than my dying father. This ordeal continued for 2 months and 10 days (till my father died). So many threats for divorce, threats of setting me “ablaze” continued. I saw my father dying a little every day, and also I tolerated my husband’s and my in law’s threats for whole period of 3 months. My father passed away and they asked my family on very next day that “either send her back to us or we will divorce her”. I had enough, I decided I want divorce from such emotionless robot who can do nothing else other than following his parents commands.

The day after my father expired, we had some rituals where family members donate money and few useful things to needy people and perform some worship. my husband called my mother saying “ MY Daddy told its not required to go in this ceremony so I am not coming”. My mother, lost husband aged 53; We are two sisters, no brother. At least he should have come just for the sake of coming to the ceremony because, to my mother he was equivalent to son. I wonder why do such man marries at first place??? such kids should never go out from their daddy’s lap !!!

But my family convinced me to give him one more chance, though I had lost all the love and respect for him and his family because they did not let my father die peacefully. How can one be so inhuman to fight with a person who is already on the death bed. still I went back to him. but things between us continued to deteriorate. Whenever my mom called me because of feeling alone or upset, my husband started fighting, threatening me for divorce and banging doors !!

He always behaved that he and his family did me a huge favour by “allowing me and letting me” stay with my father for “looong 2.5 months”. I utter a single word, I would get divorce threat from him and his parents !! One day, all limits were crossed, I finally decided to move out from such marriage. Thats it, 11 months of marriage and I put an end to it.

In the span of one year, I got married, saw my father dying, cremated him, received almost 10 threats of divorce and finally divorced him !!! I regret my marriage because I really loved him. I never imagined a person could be so heartless and so selfish. He was no more than a ROBOT who was controlled by parents.

We never had honeymoon, because his parents wanted him to save all the annual leaves and spend those leaves staying with them in their hometown!! and look at the irony, When my father was serious, almost before some 15 -20 days before his death, My husband fought with me because he wanted me to leave my father in such condition, go back to him and plan a FAMILY!!

WHY MY FATHER IS OF NO IMPORTANCE ??? WHY HIS DEATH WAS NOT THE MATTER OF GRIEF??? WHY THEY HATED WHEN I CRIED FOR MY FATHER?? WHY THEY EXPECTED ME TO LEAVE MY DYING FATHER ALONE AND BE WITH MY HUSBAND TO COOK FOR HIM ???

I am not pseudo feminist here…but what would have happened if his father suffered cancer and died instead of mine!! He would have left every thing in singapore and would have left to his hometown same day!! His father, of course he is much much much more valuable than mine !!

now i am cynical towards love, since i have seen such heights of inhumanity and selfishness, i dont trust love anymore. after all love doesnt mean candle light dinners and movie dates. the person i loved was the one who never stood by me when I needed his support the most.

I hate myself too, because we dated for 9 months before marrying, there were few red flags but still i thought they could be solved with understanding. I didnt imagine him to be such spineless and selfish. I hate myself for loving such a person !!

Staying alone whole life is much better than Spending life with such mean, emotionless inhumans!!

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