知乎、微博段子手，你不笑算我输！内服（附）英文。

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01

问世上不会游泳的动物是？

Which mammals can not swim?

媳妇和妈

Your wife and your mother.

02

如果被车撞飞10米远，爬起来之后说什么最帅？

What is the coolest thing to say after you got hit by a car and managed to stand up again?

下一辆

Next Please!

03

为什么前任还会一直关注我呢？

What could be the reason that my ex still follows me on social networks?

知道你过得不好我也就放心了

Knowing that you still mess everything up makes my day.

04

披萨切成8块好，还是切成12块好？

Should I slice the pizza into 8 pieces or 12 pieces?

8块好。12块吃不下。

8 is good. 12 is too much for my stomach.

05

为什么在洗完澡之后有些人会觉得自己变漂亮了？

Do you feel like you looks better after shower

脑子进水了

The brain has water damage.

06

为什么有的男生追女生追到一半不追了？

Why do some boys give up half-way pursuing a girl?

你倒是给个进度条啊

Why don't you display a progress bar?

07

被人追了怎么拒绝？

How do I successfully reject someone who is pursuing me?

接地卸妆

Remove your makeup, right now, right there.

08

很高兴为你服务

I'm glad to be at your service.

你高兴得太早了

Don't count your chickens before they hatch

09

地球外面那一层叫什么？

How do you call the outside layer of Earth?

香飘飘奶茶

Xiang Piao Piao milk tea.

10

怎么说服老婆不拍婚纱照？

How to persuade my wife do not take wedding photographs?

你一个道具有什么资格好叽叽歪歪的？

配合好就是了

You have no right  for any comments, You are just a stage item, cooperate with her. 

11

为什么女生有体香，而男生没有？

Why do women give out sweet scent but men don't?

化妆品腌入味了

The makeup is fermenting.

12

你临死前的遗言是什么？

What would you say before you die?

能不能换个医生试试？

我觉得我还能活……

Can we try another doctor?

I think I can still be worked on...

13

妹子还书的时候夹了一张面巾纸什么意思？

What does a girl mean when she return your book but with a facial tissue in it?

说明你对人家有意思

This means you are paying extra attention to her.

14

打雷的时候关窗户有用吗？

Does it work to close the window when it's thundering outside?

没用的，我试过了

关了窗雷一样在打

No, it won't. I've tried.

It was still thundering outside after I closed the window.

15

如何追求学医的女生？

How to pursue a girl whose majoring in medicine?

你好，我有病

Hi, I'm sick.

16

怎样含蓄地表达「我已经被收买了」

How can I subtly suggest that I've been compromised?

我说句公道话……

Let me say this impartially...

17

如何一个月减肥40斤？

How can I lose 20 kilograms in a month?

截肢

Amputation.

18

哪件事，让你对自己的无知感到震惊？

What is the experience in which you got shocked by your own ignorance?

小时候写作文要写笔名

我写了“中华绘图铅笔”

when I was young,

we were required to write down our pseudonym.

And I wrote down my pen's brand.

19

为什么打群架的时候普遍会脱掉上衣？

Why do people usually take off their clothes when starting a gang fight?

假如脱掉裤子的话

总觉得有哪里不对，气氛怪怪的

Because it would be weird to take off your pants.

20

中国哪里的姑娘最漂亮？

Where can you find the most beautiful girls in China?

朋友圈

WeChat Moments

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